Raising Our Sister With No Reservations

Saturday, March 21 |

I watched this movie after talking with my dad about my Bad Credit Blues. I was already down in the dumps because I've been focusing on some of the bad choices I've made. Now I don't know how the movie did in the box office but I really connected to it. Katherine's character was an executive chef in a high class restaurant; she lived to cook and seemed a little pissed off most of the time. In the beginning of the movie her sister dies leaving her young daughter behind. In a letter she requested that her sister take care of her daughter in the event that something happens to her. I watched with wonder a tears because I felt like I could relate.

  In order to make it easier to tell the story of my life I will give everyone made up names.  My hubby will be Ray, though he really wants me to use everyone real name. I

Ray's mother died a few years ago. I think the day she died wil be engrained in my memory forever. At the time Ray and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, and I'd just gotten off of work and gone over to his house to sleep. I'd just laid down when he called to tell me that his sister, Cinna, just came home from school and their mom wouldn't wake up. The blood rushed out of my face and I sat up trying to wake myself up to prepare for the worst. I drove to meet Ray at the house and greeted him with a hug,  trying to read him by looking into his eyes to figure out what he needed from me. He was upset, but all of his concern was for his 14 year old sister who'd just found her mother dead in bed. This came as surprise to all of us; she was, for the most part, a healthy woman in her early fifties.

It took hours for the coroner to arrive. One of my boyfrined's best friends, Al, came over as the moral support , and advisor. Al was still able to make us all smile. I wanted a chance to say good bye before they toke her away, but I thought that if I started to cry I might not stop. Ray's sister stayed in her room and watched TV; Ray asked if she wanted him to come up and she said yes, he asked if she wanted me and Al to come up to and she said "Yes" but shook her head no. Ray did not notice and insisted that we all hang out in her room, the room across from their mother's bedroom.

The people finally came; the people who would take away the body. I asked Al to close the door so Ray and his sister would not have to see their mother being carried down the stairs. We watched the Simpsons, the episode was about Homer having a heart attack and dying. I did not know if that was a good choose but we all laughed and I think honestly enjoyed that time together.

Now it's our responsibility to take care of her, the now 17 year old. I know how a better appreciation for step parents because I understand the complications of trying to raise someone who is not your child. I absolutely love her and feel, like she's my daughter but I also know that I have a responsibility to her mom. To raise her with her mother's morals and try my best to instill solid values. Today I feel that I am doing a ok job, but it's hard when you're struggling with other life issues. I know that I can never replace her mom and I don't want to. Still I think we are a pretty strong family, and that is awesome.

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Nick Grimshawe said...


I can empathize with your struggle. I too will soon be reaching the first year milestone of my Mum's death. I hope to write about that soon.

But I know how hard it is to write from the inside, showing your struggles to help others understand and deal with their own.

Thank you for your post.


LazyKing said...

Sad story but I'm sure you are doing a GREAT job not an ok job. It must be awful to loose a mother. Hope she is in peace.

jb said...

LL fisrt I want to say thanks for dropping by the blog and leaving me a comment. The next thing i want to say is like lazy king said I'm sure your doing an amazing job and not an ok job. What you where faced with in such a short period of time must have been overwhelming but you did what you had to do and that's more then what maybe someone else would have done.

As for the movie I loved this movie. I could so relate with cathrine and seeing that I had my own restaurant it really hit home. This is the remake of a German film called Mostly Martha if you find it, rent it, it's even better.

LL it's really amazing what your doing and I hope that you know this and I admire you for it. Thanks again for dropping by it's very much appreciated.


LazyKing said...

Busy Sunday!? no posts today :(

LLnL said...

@Nick Grimshawe- Thank you for sharing about you mom. It is hard to dig through all the hurts and share with others.Thank you for your blog that encourage. So many people need inspiration and to be uplifted.

@LazyKing- "sure you are doing a GREAT job" Okay I'm going to take your word for it.

She's doing great. Good grades, keeps me laughing, I'm really proud of her. I do worry that she glosses over her hurts. She wants so baldy to make people happy and to stay in a good mood that I don't think she cries or yell when she need to. But what do I know,she seen better adjusted than me.

@jb- I can tell you are cool and down to earth. I really like your blog its got edge and heart, that's hard to do.

Thank you so much for the movie recommendation, I'd love to see the original, though I'm scared I will boohoo my eyes out. I'm getting soft as I age.

@Lazy King- Thank you for spurring me on. I'm having computer difficulty. I hope to get it resolved quickly.

LazyKing said...

It better be fixed, haha.
Thank you so much for your comments. That's amazing. And for my posts, it's actually easy. At the end of the day, I try to remember what crazy thing happenned to me and then I try to figure out a posts. For the quotes, poems, books, I take them from my daily mood or something I read on the newspapers. For the picture, I'm always trying to find something unusual or captivating. And my friends always show me funny stuffs and some really good googling. My friends said that I know google like my pocket.
For the ads, I have Adsense but people will only see the ads when they are in one particular page (when they click on the title). Unfortunately I dont make any profit even I have an average of 200 page views per day, lool.
Maybe I'll try another ad network

Mimi said...

Thanks for your comment on my post =) I really agree to what they say that you indeed is doing an amazing job. And admire you that you can say this in your honest feelings. To be in charge of someone is really hard but doing your part well in raising her good just as if she was your own is tougher. I know you're doing a great job. Just keep it up.

dayflyer said...

Taking on someone else's child, whether through death or divorce, is always challenging.

I had this with my partner's children from his first marriage. In many ways it's a no-win situation (you can't control the negative press you might get from the biological parent) so you just have to get on as best you can, instilling good values while not undermining things you might not agree with. It was years later, when they were adults, that I was really able to discuss the situation with the kids, once they were able to get everything that had happened to them in better perspective.

My father died when I was 19 and at college. I didn't know he was ill until just a few days before so it was a shock. There's no right or wrong way to get over this, just your own. Cinna is lucky in having you and her brother there for the time when she feels ready to talk.