Missing You…Missing Me

"It's been a long time; I shouldn't left you...without a dope beat to step to."

I'm sorry that I have not updated LL&L in so long. I'm trying to convince people that I am a blog addict but nobody will believe me because of my long blogging absences. To that I respond "life happens". If I had my way I would be pretty much glued to the computer or any relevant for book for most of the day. I'd read and write for 14 hours a day leaving me enough time for shower, sleep, sex and exercise (maybe a meal here and there). I'm sure that sounds like a lonely and boring life to you, but it is a dream for me. I have all these thoughts and feelings that I've wanted to share for a couple of decades now so I am more than anxious to express myself. That's why I make a commit to spend at least 10 hours a day working on my blog and then...

...Then life happens. My husband misses me, our kid is sick; I need to take care of paper work... You know the day to day things that happen sprinkled with a few personal crises here and there. The thing is blogging has become my job, my art, my baby... It is not something that I feel good about neglecting. However blogging is not my heart, my life or my family. Listing and ordering your personal priorities can become a pretty complicated process. At least it is for me.

Up until two years ago my life has been about me… and how I relate to people. I'm not a self centered person but I realize now that most of my actions affected only my life so making decisions and schedules was an easy task. Now I am a Gambit's wife and a guardian of Cinna. With only two years of marriage under my belt I feel naïve and ill prepared for a life has become really complicated. Big things are hard to deal with because I have not yet learned how to make decisions as a family. Small thing are starting to concern me because now I see now how buying a loaf of wheat bread affects my whole family. Now I try not to make promises and commitments because I want to make sure that my family is taken care of first.

So where does that leave LL&L, I don't know for sure...What I do know is that this blog has sparked a flame in me that has opened up my eyes and made me feel alive again. I have big plans for LL&L; in fact I've been taking the time to work on a business plan. It is a slow process for me because I am learning about business on my own and I have little business experience. The dork in me loves every minute of research. The faith in me is delighted and excited to see the future success. The kid in me is scared out of her mind and wants to find a safe place to hide from the world until someone else can fix all of my problems. I'm not sure if that makes me weird or if most people can relate to this on some level. Either way this is me and LL&L share it all.

Long story short...LL&L is back and I want to provide all of my visitors with lots of interesting, helpful and fun content..., but it will take some time to fix the kinks to make sure that I am at my best and consistent. To all of my loyal readers Thank You So Much. Your support means the world to me.

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

It's time to start thinking about Mother's Day; is my procrastination showing? It is easy to get stuck in a gift rut and to run out of ideas that will wow mom. If you need a little inspiration watch the videos and see if you can make a unique gift to show mom how much you appreciate her.





What are your Mother's Day Traditions? What was the best Mother's Day gift you have given or received?

Your A Mean One

You'd assume that family are the people that you know you can count on. You know "blood is thicker than water" should always hold up. Sometimes that's not the case. When you spend time with certain family members their real colors show and it can be a disappointing or even a hurtful experience.

LazyKing, author of Bored...Get Unbored, submitted a post I titled Mean Uncle George. It is a story from his life about the friction he had with one of his uncles. A compelling tale that made me ask myself do I have to love everyone in my family. What if being around the brings a lot of negativity, do I still owe them phone calls and visits or do they have to earn the right to stay in my good graces. To read this post on Saturday Love and add you thoughts or experciences.



Do you have any bad eggs in your bunch? Is there a family member that just rubs you the wrong way? Or are you the one that seems ostracized from the family?

The Game & The Girl

Okay so I no longer consider myself a true sports fan, but I still live the game. For me the game is football, but it was an acquired taste. As a little girl football meant that for a few hours my dad would not be able to hear a word I said. He's eyes would be fixed to the TV screen. When my parents separated I found myself drawn to sports a little more, I'd guess it was to fell closer to dad. Still it was hard trying to watch football all alone, I did not know what was happening. I cheered when everyone else cheered, did not understand the plays or the calls so it was pointless to try. Besides my mom would tell me to turn it off if she was home, she could not stand football.


It was not until college that I fell in love with the game. When I was at school I tried to go to every activity I could just to see for myself what I like. Football provided music, friends and food so why not give it a try; the football players weren't bad to look at either. Lucky for me my college had a decent squad and my appreciation for the game was instant. I was one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. From then on I made a point o go to all the home games and watch the NFL games on TV. I got a good understanding of the basic and came home with a new appreciation for the game. I guess that was a turn on to one of my platonic friend. He's now my husband and he wrote a great poem called An Ode to the Football Girlfriend. If you already read it please check it out again to see the discussion question added.

American Football NFL big hits runs

Are you a sports fan? What's your favorite sport to watch and/or to play? What's your favorite sport's memory?

Raising Our Sister With No Reservations

I watched this movie after talking with my dad about my Bad Credit Blues. I was already down in the dumps because I've been focusing on some of the bad choices I've made. Now I don't know how the movie did in the box office but I really connected to it. Katherine's character was an executive chef in a high class restaurant; she lived to cook and seemed a little pissed off most of the time. In the beginning of the movie her sister dies leaving her young daughter behind. In a letter she requested that her sister take care of her daughter in the event that something happens to her. I watched with wonder a tears because I felt like I could relate.

  In order to make it easier to tell the story of my life I will give everyone made up names.  My hubby will be Ray, though he really wants me to use everyone real name. I

Ray's mother died a few years ago. I think the day she died wil be engrained in my memory forever. At the time Ray and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, and I'd just gotten off of work and gone over to his house to sleep. I'd just laid down when he called to tell me that his sister, Cinna, just came home from school and their mom wouldn't wake up. The blood rushed out of my face and I sat up trying to wake myself up to prepare for the worst. I drove to meet Ray at the house and greeted him with a hug,  trying to read him by looking into his eyes to figure out what he needed from me. He was upset, but all of his concern was for his 14 year old sister who'd just found her mother dead in bed. This came as surprise to all of us; she was, for the most part, a healthy woman in her early fifties.

It took hours for the coroner to arrive. One of my boyfrined's best friends, Al, came over as the moral support , and advisor. Al was still able to make us all smile. I wanted a chance to say good bye before they toke her away, but I thought that if I started to cry I might not stop. Ray's sister stayed in her room and watched TV; Ray asked if she wanted him to come up and she said yes, he asked if she wanted me and Al to come up to and she said "Yes" but shook her head no. Ray did not notice and insisted that we all hang out in her room, the room across from their mother's bedroom.

The people finally came; the people who would take away the body. I asked Al to close the door so Ray and his sister would not have to see their mother being carried down the stairs. We watched the Simpsons, the episode was about Homer having a heart attack and dying. I did not know if that was a good choose but we all laughed and I think honestly enjoyed that time together.

Now it's our responsibility to take care of her, the now 17 year old. I know how a better appreciation for step parents because I understand the complications of trying to raise someone who is not your child. I absolutely love her and feel, like she's my daughter but I also know that I have a responsibility to her mom. To raise her with her mother's morals and try my best to instill solid values. Today I feel that I am doing a ok job, but it's hard when you're struggling with other life issues. I know that I can never replace her mom and I don't want to. Still I think we are a pretty strong family, and that is awesome.

Related Links:

The Stepmom Struggle- by LL&L

My Mom died a year ago today- by Niki Alvey

Letters from Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief, and Healing- Amazon

Step Carefully-free newsletter and other helpful info

The Intruder

Sliding Door




We were not alone...................................................................
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My family moved to Texas, leaving all of our loved ones behind. It was okay because we'd visit and kept in contact through letters and phone calls, but one beautiful day my aunt moved to Texas. It was great having a family member close to us. She understood our desire to be closer to more family members so she, the gracious person she is, became pregnant with my cousin.

My aunt is a light and joy to be around. She is easy going, not judgmental, and a great sense of humor. She has this cute little laugh that is rivaled only by four year old. Ironically she does have this killer look when she gets mad that I call the," I wish you would!", stare that all good mothers posses; it will knock the wind right out of you.

I had so much fun spending the night over her place. I don't remember watching TV or playing games, just talking. Then it was lights out and I retired to the air mattress in the living room and she went to bed. It was still black outside when I was woken up by loud and strange noises. One noise was the alarm in the apartment, the other noises was a few men in uniforms at the door; they had walkies talkies that were making all kinds of noise, and they were asking my aunt questions. All of this was very confusing for a nine year old. Someone said, "Wow I can't believe your just waking up." My aunt responded by saying," Yeah I know the alarm has been going off for awhile now and she did not budge." Still groggy I shook myself awake so I could hear her recount last nights events.

While I was sleeping, a man stood on top of a stair railing and pulled himself up onto my aunts second floor balcony. He slide open the glass door and walked past the sleeping kid into my aunts bedroom. Scared and shocked at the sight of the intruder my aunt let out a shrill scream. While flashing a knife he instructed her to be quiet and she obliged. He then walked her into the bathroom and closed the bathroom. I assume he intended to rape her but she told him she was pregnant. He asked her to lift her nightgown, and looked at her belly. He then asked her where her money was and proceeded to look under her mattress, and then came into the living room and looked through her kitchen drawers, with her by his side. He walked her to her room and then left.

Upon him leaving my aunt ran into the living room and sounded the alarm. She called either the police or apartment security and it wasn't until then that I woke up. I remember looking at my aunt and my heart swelling with respect and admiration. She was scared for herself, unborn child and her niece, but instead of panicking she was calm, trusted her instincts and was now laughing at me and my narcolepsy. She taught me that you can experience a life and death threat and still smile only minutes after the incident. Because of her bravery, I never got a chance to be traumatized.

Some people in my family expressed concern with my deep sleep. They said,"What if you were in a fire? You would not be able to wake up; something terrible could happen!". I remember my aunt saying with sparklingly eyes and a pretty smile, " I think the fact that you slept through the whole thing saved both of us." Aunty I can't tell you how much your example and words have impacted my life; thank you.

My Daddy Don't Spank No More

"...I loved spending time with my dad, watching TV with my dad, wrestling with my dad, working on cars with my dad, pretty much anything that involved my dad I loved to do, even if things I'd never do it alone (like watching Star Trek). My dad has an engaging laugh, a magical hug, impressive cognitive abilities, ambitious vision, eclectic interest, etc… He never tried to force his interest on me but just shared himself and the things he liked to do..."

Read My Daddy Don't Spank No More on Saturday Love.

Poison - Your Mama Don't Dance

Do you spank your kids? Why or why not? Did your parents use spanking as a form of discipline and how did it impact you?

Grandpa Memories

Gilles Roux
Originally uploaded by Benoit.P

I wish I could tell you everything my grandfather did for me, because he's been such an important and positive force through out my life. Even with a few years living in different parts of the country it seems like he was always in my life. I can remember driving grandpa's car at 6 years old, while sitting on his lap. Sitting in his home office filled with excitement as looked at all the books and smelled the sweet tobacco from his pipe. Feeling proud of myself for attempting to keep up with him as I twirled across the dance floor; he honestly has the best moves out of any man I have ever danced with. I remember staring at his stereo and listening to his record collection as the rhythms seemed dive into my soul and course through my veins. 

I LOVED when he took me to the mayor's office and let me type at the secretaries desk only to be promoted within minutes to mayor. He told me of the police and fire department's complaints and gently shook his head as I told him my solutions, fire everyone! I went to concerts and plays and sat in the box seats. I flew to California to attend or huge our family reunion and experienced a lot from eating in Compton to shopping on Rodeo drive. I've been to Montreal, Disney world twice, and stayed in a condo that had its own indoor swimming pool. I was able to read for a part in a movie that was filmed in Detroit; I did not get the part but got to be an extra. We had no idea if I would be in any scene of the movie, but my grandfather rented out a movie theater so that I could have my first movie premier. I can't tell you how it felt to have my family and friends screams and clap when they saw on the screen. And of course I can remember driving his new car at the age of 18, on the way to college, with him on the passenger side.

My grandfather has come to my financial and academic rescue too many times to count. To my embarrassment he has done this all without one thank you card or without anything in return. Thank you Grandpa for the many things you've done for me, and with me. Thank you for being an incredible example of what one man can accomplish with a lot of love, perseverance, education and ambition. Thank for proving that men aren't dogs but instead are supportive husbands, gentle fathers, strong soldiers, gifted educators, and ethical politicians. He is my hero and my proof that God does exists.

Love Vows

You've stood by my side through friendship to kisses

Promises of forever by calling me Mrs

Sweep me of my feet in good times or in bad

Sharing laughter and hugs whether happy or sad

Providing for the family in sickness or in health

Fulfilling all my needs in debt or in wealth

Comforting me in your loving embrace

Faithfully you share sweet kisses I taste

I will be by your side come rain or come shine

My lover and friend forever be mine

The Man Who Changed My Life- part 2

...  It seemed like my mom was there within in seconds.  I instantly felt safe in her presences.  I thanked the waitress for her help and got into the car to head home.  I filled my mom in on what happened, but before the story was complete the police were at the house... Read the entire post on Freaky Friday.

Father's Nose is Best

Originally uploaded by Saher,allil

Every father’s face possesses a unique character feature
A furrowed brow could announce constant concern
A wide jaw might exclaim, “You must learn!”
Chiseled cheeks go along with a domineering tone
Big bright eyes can disarm defenses so you never feel alone

To me your prominent feature is your handsome nose
It’s regal posture and sturdy slope tells of its wealth
It is a statue a vitality to which you owe good health
Its majestic slope is adorned with a crown of glass
It’s masculine and strong with the essence of class

As a kid I didn’t understand the blessing that I had
I never chose my nose to be, the bridge of longevity
The grandeur within its size lead to racial slurs and a few good cries
I always loved the bridge you gave to me
A gift of graceful confidence is worth the fee

Everyone has one, but my father’s nose is best
Not showered with praise or mentioned in songs
Often responsible for eradicating our wrongs
Carrying our burdens and adding warmth to air
A gentle power for us when life isn’t fair

Poem Links:

Love Never Ends

The Stepmom Struggle

Originally uploaded by juicyjuerguista

I remember the first time I met my stepmom. Dad took us (me and my siblings) to her apartment. I remember not saying too much and being very aware of my surroundings: the pink paint on the wall, the feminine furniture arranged just so, the young girl quietly sitting on the couch and the pretty woman standing up to welcome us into her house.

The woman seemed nice enough and her daughter was cute, but I did not want to be invovled in my dad's love life after he and my mother got divorced. I was probably fourteen at the time of the meeting, and I quickly figured out that my father had strong feelings for this woman. It was easy for me to accept that, because neither my mom nor my dad introduced us to anyone for a significant amount of time after the divorce; besides, both of my parents seemed to be better off apart than together, so I had no secret desire for them to remarry.

I am usually a friendly and accepting person, but this was a little complicated. I almost felt that by trusting this new person I was being disloyal to my mom. My mom and dad did a great job being respectful toward each other when the kids were around, so I never felt pressured to choose. I looked at this woman and I saw grace, poise, intelligence and determination, and I liked and respected those qualities, but why did she have to be so different from my mom? The woman had a fair complexion; my mom had darker skin. The new woman wore glasses; my mom did not. This woman did not dress like my mom, smile like my mom, or cook like my mom. Yes, even I knew at the time that those were superficial differences and not justifications to dislike someone, but inside I felt torn. “Did my dad choose her because he no longer loved my mom and wanted to be with someone completely different?”, I asked myself. My first impulse was to like her and to try to get to know her, but I made a conscious effort to be suspicious of her and her motives. I knew she was not evil and that if my dad loved her it was for a good reason, but just because she was good to him did not mean that she would like us.

Soon after that, our every-other-weekend visitations now included the woman – Patricia – and her daughter. I associated her presence with the reason we, his children, were getting shafted. My mother picked up a second job and was really tired when she came home, and my dad sometimes canceled his visitations at the last minute. I became a little angry with my dad, feeling he no longer loved us as much as he used to; I also started to blame Pat, because he had replaced us with her. I knew that it was not her fault, but I believed that she would never be able to love us as her own. Sometimes, I felt like she looked down on me; I could sense her frustration at some of my actions and figured that she cared, but just did not like me.

For example, one night she cooked dinner for us. She asked each person if they wanted the skin on or off the chicken. Of course, I wanted the skin on. I thought she was a good cook, but she tried so hard to make the food extra healthy. Her spaghetti was ok, but she put too many carrots in it (I mean, give me break; carrots don’t even belong in spaghetti sauce in the first place). I wondered if my dad left my mom because she had gained weight. Maybe Pat looked at me and thought I needed to lose weight too. When the dinner was finished, it smelled good and I was really hungry. Everyone made their own plates and sat down at the table. I bit into the chicken and it was delicious, but I realized that it did not have the skin on it. Instantly, guilt washed over me as I thought of how I'd insisted that Pat leave the skin on my piece, and now I’d grabbed her piece without even thinking about it. I wanted to apologize, but I felt too embarrassed, and I continued eating it without any mention of grabbing the wrong piece.

That memory still haunts me today. While Pat was being so considerate and asking me how I wanted my chicken prepared, while she was standing in the kitchen alone, cooking dinner for her new family, while she was accepting of my nutritional choices, but wanted to cut the fat from her own diet, I was judging her as guilty of being too critical and controlling. When I realized my fault, I did not have the guts to apologize or even acknowledge my mistake. I’m sure there were many times that my inconsideration hurt my relationship with Pat, I mean hurt her, but how will I ever know? I love her dearly, but I don't know if asking her to list my trepasses is a good idea. Besides, she never seems to get angry with me. She has not once said that she was upset with me or tried to discipline me. She met me when I was a teenager; can you imagine how hard it is to accept the shortcomings of a teenager without setting any boundaries and still love them unconditionally?

Later, my dad proposed to Pat. He asked us kids to stand up in the wedding. I was honored that he asked, but it did not feel right. I decided that I would say no, but the next thing I know, we were being measured for dresses. Although I was a little upset, I knew it would work out, and now, I am grateful to have been in the wedding. I finally saw my stepmom in a different light. I learned that she is warm, generous, patient and fun. She shared her excitement of getting married with me, and I felt like she was becaming a part of my family. I enjoyed the special times we shared, like when we listened to the soundtrack to West Side Story, one of my all-time favorite movies. I felt really special to be able to watch her get ready on the day of the wedding; when you get married, you want to surround yourself with the people closest to you. That day helped to solidify us as family. Though our relationship is not perfect, I love what it has turned into. Thank you, stepmommy; I will always love you!