About LLnL

Love, Lust and Life is a memoir and journal in which I share all parts of my life. On LL&L, nothing is off limits or considered taboo. When people constantly try to keep their feelings and thoughts inside, the effects can be tragic: depression, addiction, insanity or suicide. Everyone needs to be able to express their whole selves without self-censorship.


Love, Lust and Life is a blog that I started in August 2008 on Wordpress. At the time, I felt really frustrated with my life and most of my relationships. I used to be an open person, able to talk about most things with most people. I found myself not investing my heart in most of my friendships because I no longer felt respected; later, I stopped opening up to my family because of a perceived lack of acceptance and support. Eventually, I made a conscious effort to not talk to anyone about anything that would leave me feeling vulnerable or criticized. This left me feeling lonely and disconnected.


The initial purpose of the blog was to share the things I have learned in my life with whoever was interested. As I started to write, I discovered that I had things that I needed to share and get off of my chest first; I will use this blog as an opportunity to heal some hurts that are holding me back in life. I decided to have themed days so that I can make sure that I keep the blog balanced and to make it easy to find topics that interest you:

• Spiritual Sundays: scriptures, relationship w/ God, moral and ethics.
  


• Mental Mondays: mindful awarness and mental health
  


• Talented Tuesdays: culture, hobbies and entertainment
  


• Wellness Wednesdays: health, exercise, recipes, and confidence
  


• Taking Care of Business (TCB) Thursdays: blogging, goal achievement, finance, career and education.
  


• Freaky Fridays: hot topics, scary or traumatic events and sexual experiences
  


• Saturday Love: relationships with friends, family and marriage
  

I hope this sounds interesting and encouraging. And I'm not too proud to beg: please leave comments. I really want to know what is interesting, relatable, boring, or poorly written. If you want to share advice or recieve advice, let me know that as well.

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I am looking forward to getting to know you. Thank you.

Hidden Strength

Marilyn Monroe "strength"
Originally uploaded by curious-feline

I love to read and write about almost any topic. The world is filled with so many amazing nuances that delight my mind. So when I'm filled with awe and wonder I want to get it out and express it masterfully through words. I get to my computer and find myself hesitating and the next thing I know I just churned out a post filled with links to other places where people had the gumption to say what they think, feel, want and hate. I started blogging because I thought it was the answer for my unexpressed energy and it was. When I began to blog I felt excited everyday because I'd discovered a vehicle to get it all out and find others who were interested in what I had to say. Here in my house, without any deadlines I feel safe and secure to share anything that my heart desires, at least I use to. At first I felt freedom from judgment, criticism, and having to abide by social norms but soon experienced the fear of remaining vulnerable to strangers. If you receive mean comments about your writing or your decisions in life it makes since to become a little discouraged. However my problem is that very few people commented on my blog. Sometimes I feel like I am pouring my heart out and people are taking the time to read it but I have no idea what they think.

I guess I am use to feedback. My first year in college an English Professor would pull aside after class and talk about my assignment, in addition to the glowing reviews he wrote on the assignment itself. Although I felt flattered I wondered what made him like my writing. The only thing articulated writing style was an attempt to make it personal by writing what I know. A couple of months into to class I wanted to try something new and I decided to write without any personal reference, after all I was reading great works of literature and to write about myself seemed a little self centered. After I finished I turned in my assignment with a since of pride and looked forward to reading the comments that would soon follow. Instead my Professor handed me the assignment with a big red C on the front. I sought him out after class and asked him why I received a low score and he explained he's reasoning, long story short it underwhelmed him. From the rest of the semester I made a point to let the topic of the each assignment affect me and let that affect be reflected in my paper; I walked away from that class with and A. Maybe that is why feedback is so important to me now: I want to know how to improve my writing and my work is so personal that I feel rejected if no one cares to comment.


I'm not sure if people even know what LL&L stands for. This blog was originally titled Love Lust and Life. LL&L is supposed to be my online diary; a chronicle of my life experiences and choices. I want to share the good the bad and ugly about myself. One of the purposes of LL&L is to promote tolerance; I hope that by sharing different aspects of my life I think people might become more patient with others and themselves. As a social person who can experience platonic love at first sight, or first contact (more internet appropriate I guess), I try hard to be understand everyone's point of view and personal plight. I hate it when people are mean, harsh, critical, gossipy, or two-faced. I hate when people exclude, dismiss, belittle, look down on, and pick on people just in order to display their hysterical hierarchy. So me and LL&L have become an extremely open minded, loving, humble and patient. I really appreciate those qualities but I have noticed one important drawback; I have lost my own voice and my writing has suffered because of that. By making sure that no one's opinion were dismissed I'd stopped having my own opinions in general. Now I'm not professing that I became some soulless wonder, but I had too many hurt feelings in response to people saying nothing.


Maybe people did not comment because I stopped sharing anything of sustains. I believe that I was overly concerned with making others happy. I ignored my own needs to express my anger, my convictions and my opinions. I am still want to remain an open minded person but it is time for a rebirth of sorts. It is time to let out my inner Sasha so that I can become stronger, better, faster, stronger and dynamic. It seems like it should be easy to do but fear being judged as hypocrite or intolerant of other beliefs kept me somewhat superficial. I want to be free to express myself without shame or guilt: I am very weak with many strengths, I am nicest hot tempered person I know, I am very understanding with some inflexible convictions, I possess prideful humility, , I am doormat that won't but I will not take any bull. It is time to embrace my whole self and not worry about being inconsistent or disappointing people just by being true to myself.


I invite you to do the same. Love yourself unconditionally and don't be quick to judge. Take the time to observe the dynamic spirit in every life you come across and your life will be deeply meaningful. I would love to know if you believe that you have hidden parts of yourself to please others. If so what do you think would change if you made a commitment to express yourself as is instead of trying to make yourself conform to other people's standards?

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I'm Crazy, Are You?

Why I started LL&L

I love...
Originally uploaded by ILina S

My husband has been trying to sell me on the importance of blogging for some years. I did not share in his excitement until a few months ago; now my eyes are know open to the possibilities. The desire to have my own blog has been growing for about a year now but I've had no idea how or why I would start one. I finally got inspired. I The inspiration came out of the frustration that I had no where to go to fully express my self. I can go to church to talk bout God. I can go to my husband to talk bout sex. I can go to my friends to talk about my interest. I could go to my family to talk about my mistakes, but where could I go to talk about it all.

Love Lust and life is my creative outlet where I can express anything I want. I will share any experience I went through with the hope of becoming smarter, better, faster, stronger. I know the damage it can cause if you hold in your shame, desire or talent. Everyone needs a place to feel free to be themselves, their whole selves. So here goes my life and I hope this will encourage you to feel free to share you true selves too. I have had interesting life and I hope that through my words I can convey that it okay to be yourself every where you go.

I hope this sounds interesting and encouraging. I want LL&L to be an interactive journal where I can share my life and you the reader can request post topics or ask me a specific question. But please let me know what you need get off your chest or like to talk about by commenting. Even if you have some constructive criticism to share please feel free, all I ask is for you to be as honest and as respectful as possible. I am looking forward to getting to know you and I hope you feel the same.

Contact Info

I'm so glad that you have decided to visit my blog. LL&L is a labor of love that was established in August 2008. Though my writing needs work I felt that it was time to create a platform where I could share anything from my interests to my secrets. I felt tired of seperating myself into parts and finding the approriated place to express them. On LL&L I want to talk about my love for God and my sex life. I want study Buddhism after pray I to Jehovah. I want to be smart and stupid, serious and silly, curvy and sexy, insecure and confident and anything I feel like expressing at the time.

I know that I'm not alone. In my own self discovery I figured that so many people felt feed up with trying to fit, instead of just being themselves. I have learned that you cannot be completely confident until you get comfortable just being. I am on the journey of getting to know myself and I would love to meet others on the same path. If you already settled in to yourself I would like to get to know you too. And if you have no idea who you really are or what to do next, of course I welcome you too. In other words just come as you are.

One of the many reasons why I started blogging was to build a community of friends that could share their accomplishments, advice and adoration for one another. When there are enough vistors I plan to start a social network so that people can chat about similar interests, seek and give advice,share spiritual knowlege, and what ever else you can think of. If you are a little shy like me, get a new email address and remain anonymous. All I ask is that you remain respectful to everyone else. If you want to critique me or give me some advice that is fine too. Just please don't seek me out to be rude. Just be aware that I have decided to keep my name private for now. If you know me or figure out my name that's okay too, but I'll never tell.



My email adress: llnlblogspot@yahoo.com

MySpace URL: myspace.com/llnlblog

Youtube User ID: lovelustandlife

Twitter ID: http://twitter.com/LLnL

Blip.fm ID: http://blip.fm/LLnL

Spark People ID: llnlblog



Please be advised that I don't have a social network routine. If it takes me awhile to get back to you, please know that I appreciate your efforts to reach me. Really I do, it make me happy to conect with the new peope. The fastest way to get my attention is by leaving a comment on my LL&L blog.

Anyway let me say, thanks for reading and I hope to TTYL