Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

The Intruder

Friday, March 13 |

Sliding DoorSliding Door




We were not alone...................................................................
....................................................................................................

....................................................................................................

My family moved to Texas, leaving all of our loved ones behind. It was okay because we'd visit and kept in contact through letters and phone calls, but one beautiful day my aunt moved to Texas. It was great having a family member close to us. She understood our desire to be closer to more family members so she, the gracious person she is, became pregnant with my cousin.

My aunt is a light and joy to be around. She is easy going, not judgmental, and a great sense of humor. She has this cute little laugh that is rivaled only by four year old. Ironically she does have this killer look when she gets mad that I call the," I wish you would!", stare that all good mothers posses; it will knock the wind right out of you.

I had so much fun spending the night over her place. I don't remember watching TV or playing games, just talking. Then it was lights out and I retired to the air mattress in the living room and she went to bed. It was still black outside when I was woken up by loud and strange noises. One noise was the alarm in the apartment, the other noises was a few men in uniforms at the door; they had walkies talkies that were making all kinds of noise, and they were asking my aunt questions. All of this was very confusing for a nine year old. Someone said, "Wow I can't believe your just waking up." My aunt responded by saying," Yeah I know the alarm has been going off for awhile now and she did not budge." Still groggy I shook myself awake so I could hear her recount last nights events.

While I was sleeping, a man stood on top of a stair railing and pulled himself up onto my aunts second floor balcony. He slide open the glass door and walked past the sleeping kid into my aunts bedroom. Scared and shocked at the sight of the intruder my aunt let out a shrill scream. While flashing a knife he instructed her to be quiet and she obliged. He then walked her into the bathroom and closed the bathroom. I assume he intended to rape her but she told him she was pregnant. He asked her to lift her nightgown, and looked at her belly. He then asked her where her money was and proceeded to look under her mattress, and then came into the living room and looked through her kitchen drawers, with her by his side. He walked her to her room and then left.

Upon him leaving my aunt ran into the living room and sounded the alarm. She called either the police or apartment security and it wasn't until then that I woke up. I remember looking at my aunt and my heart swelling with respect and admiration. She was scared for herself, unborn child and her niece, but instead of panicking she was calm, trusted her instincts and was now laughing at me and my narcolepsy. She taught me that you can experience a life and death threat and still smile only minutes after the incident. Because of her bravery, I never got a chance to be traumatized.

Some people in my family expressed concern with my deep sleep. They said,"What if you were in a fire? You would not be able to wake up; something terrible could happen!". I remember my aunt saying with sparklingly eyes and a pretty smile, " I think the fact that you slept through the whole thing saved both of us." Aunty I can't tell you how much your example and words have impacted my life; thank you.

Terrific Thunderstorms

Monday, February 23 |


I used to be scared of thunderstorms. When I was nine years old I'd visualizing lighting striking and our house engulfed in flames. I did not climb into my parent's bed or shake from fear,but I did not feel peaceful. When it stormed at night, I’d sit in bed reassuring myself that my family would probably survive and that I should not worry. One day I decided that I was not going to be scared any more. I had no clue how to accomplish that, but I believed that I owned my feelings and thoughts, they did not own me.

That was a pivotal moment for me. I was always intrigued by the power of emotions versus the inner strength. Up until then my feelings and thoughts came and went as they pleased; I’d never wondered whether or not I had some say in those moments. Lucky for me I usally emote and think in the middle of the bell curve, rarely the extremes. Before I could feel and hear my heart pound after each rattle of thunder, now I found myself in awe of the beauty that God orchestrated. Instead of hiding and hoping for the best, I was drenched with exhilaration and appreciation.

I’ve had other moments like that where I felt uncomfortable with an emotion or noticed an inappropriate thought and decided to exchange it with feeling good and constructive. I did not understand then how I achieved but I think I have some insight now. The heart of each soul is mindfulness. Mindfulness comes when you can observe your thoughts and feelings without identifying with them. Mindfulness is the source of peace, courage and wisdom and the path of success.

I've had a wonderful life; I even suspect that some would consider me a little sheltered. However there was some sadness, some scares and some stumbles only the way. Writing about the hard times in my life is not intended to be a pity party but a powerful exchange: sharing losses that others can relate to, letting go of the things that still haunt me, and forgiving faults (mine as well as others). Some posts will be about the challenging times in my life, but I hope that you leave LL&L feeling refreshed and relieved. I thank God for every victory and for every tear. I can’t imagine where I’d be without His love and His power.