We are our own worst critics.
Oh how I wish it were that easy. Sometimes my mind goes on the attack with hurtful thoughts: "Of course God can love you but only because he's perfect but you don't make it easy for him", "Yeah he's full of grace but God can't be mocked. You want him to love you, yet you refuse to do the things you know are right", "It takes you a long time to learn for your mistakes or repent of your sins", "You think that just cause you know some scriptures that you can trick him into thinking you love him.", "He knows you better than you know yourself, he sees every sin that you don't acknowledge and get irritated when you pray; you don't care about how he feels you just ask him for things you want like he's Santa Claus.", " Yes God use to love you but he refuses to love you any more until you repent, and let face it, you will never change so just give up now."
Lucky for me I now know that I cannot trust these thoughts, but when I don't deal with them they break me down and I become of vulnerable to them. Here is one of many scripture that help me with this ongoing battle in my mind.
Roman 8:35-39
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
For you sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
No, in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
LL&L two scents:
Jesus loves me this I know but the bible also tells that God love me too. It is hard to think about the sacrifice that both God and Jesus made on the cross and remain doubtful that "he's love endures forever". When I remember the many times that God has saved my life and expressed his desire for me to be closer to Him and it erases the belief that I am alone. Though I have many weaknesses and a seemingly strong sinful nature God loves me and there is nothing that I can do to mess that up. I've seen the power God's love through my bible study and my life experiences so I should rest assured that God will take care of everything that overwhelms me. All I have to do is be honest with Him when things get hard or I feel guilty. God made me and loves me just the way I am, I must be something special.
Have you ever believed that God stopped loving you? If so what did you do about it? If not what is your secret that keeps those thoughts out all together?
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12 comments:
Never ever ever do I doubt.However being a Buddhist the idea of God is different for me.We believe that we are intrinsically good and that we are deluded by our ego which keeps us in suffering.I was a christian but didnt like the fact that I was told I am bad right from the beginning.God is within us whoever he is to you. He is you and you are him/her.You are loved unconditionaly.And yes that makes you very very special wow!
I doubt myself yes.
But the thing that is greater than my ego no: I DONT DO DOUBT!
He never gives us more than we can handle . . . I take it as a personal promise.
When I start to think that my prayers are being ignored . . . I read one of my favorite poems . . .
Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
Mary Stevenson
@thepianoplayersdaughter- Reading a New earth has change my spiritual walk and understanding. I to believe in the ego and believe in our intrinsic goodness. My spiritual foundation is Christianity so I just sometimes express it different. I started for searching for a spiritual new perspective because for a while I felt burdened by other people interpretation of God and the Word. I think understanding the ego and the importance of not identifying with it would encourage so many people. Thank you for sharing your perspective, I would love to chat with you more about this topic.
@Gina Alfani- I have read footprints many times before, but reading it now gave me chills. Thank you for taking the time to put the whole poem in a comment. I do wonder about his judgment, giving me too many hardships, but the I realize that I am still here and have a purer heart because of my tribulations.
I like your blog. Neat and informative! Thanks for visiting mine! http://cinformation.blogspot.com
I may not be a follower of any particular religion, however, I do have my own thoughts that keep me going and keep me positive.
One simple one to me, "to give evil a name is to give it power." I'm sorry but I will NOT give something power over myself by giving it a name and throwing the blame to that being/object/situation/whatever. I won't do it.
The other thing, never underestimate the power of positive thinking. If I told you "DO NOT think of a black cat!" What would you think of first and foremost? A black cat right? Our ability to comprehend words and our language makes words and the act of speaking a VERY powerful tool that each of us can use for our benefit.
When using positive affirmations to help you change yourself, don't say things like, "I am not fat" or "I will write daily" or "I can be prettier." Focusing on the negative does not encourage positive. Saying "I will" or "I can" leaves the option to be or do those things at a later date and not right now.
Instead, say things like "I am attractive. I write daily. I'm beautiful." Be 100% positive and be 100% in the present. :)
Just my twelve cents! :)
@Computer Informations- Thank you.
@lpyrbby- "to give evil a name is to give it power." that makes since. I'll have to chew on that a bit. I ask you what if you are okay with being ugly. I'm not saying that I am but I think sometimes you have to learn to love where you are at. I can't sing, I would love to but I don't have the know how. I'm okay with that though. When I do sing it makes me laugh. The few times I was complimented on my voice it meant a lot to me. I think in general it is better to stay away from labels but I think it okay not to be the best at everything. Improve what you can but be grateful for everything as is.
I grew up in a negative environment so I understand where you're coming from. As an adult I've taken responsibility for my self-image and I must say it's difficult. I can tend to lean towards relationships that enforce what I grew up with as a child and accepted for most of my adult life. What has helped me is th keep this in mind. Our lives are a journey. What is easy for one person may be difficult for another. People can advise, speculate, comment, etc but it's our journey. Unless a person is going to take 100% responsibility for all of your thoughts and actions, they can't tell you what's best for you...even those who have our best interests at heart.
What I've learned is that uncomfortable feeling, the fear and angst, lets me know that I'm doing something new. I'm breaking the mold. I'm changing a behavior or venturing into new territory. I'm learning to be ok with that feeling. Two quotes come to mind:
"Always do the things you fear the most. Courage is an acquired taste, like caviar." - Erica Jong
"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
-Gilda Radner
Ambiguity, uncertainty...those are the things I embrace now to grow into my own. Letting go and going with the flow.
pillpoppa928
You said: "I ask you what if you are okay with being ugly. I'm not saying that I am but I think sometimes you have to learn to love where you are at. I can't sing, I would love to but I don't have the know how. I'm okay with that though. When I do sing it makes me laugh. The few times I was complimented on my voice it meant a lot to me. I think in general it is better to stay away from labels but I think it okay not to be the best at everything. Improve what you can but be grateful for everything as is."
Most certainly we shouldn't LIE to our selves but really, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. See, I don't think I'm that fantabulous honestly. But, I don't sit at the mirror looking at myself dwelling on what I personally think.
I think its perfectly fine to be real to yourself as long as you aren't causing damage to yourself. So what if I'm not as pretty as the rest of them. So what if my boobs aren't as big. I still know that when I try, I AM an awesome person.
Personally, I sing like crap, but I still enjoy squeaking out lyrics in my car!
It's the things that people say that hold them back that they need to stop doing and find a different way to approach themselves and their lives to move forward :)
@Anonymous- I think your right about taking 100% responsibly for your beliefs and thoughts. Where there is no doubt, what people say does not affect what I think of myself. It are only the weakness that attract negativity. It is up to us what we do with the words that come: let go, improve, or believe, give up. I am learning to embrace fear, this is new and scary territory for me but a life without risk is no life at all. I've learned that the hard way.
@lpyrbby- Thank you so much for commenting again. I really wanted to know what your thoughts were. Through meditation I am understanding that thoughts do not define us, but sometimes we try to make them. I actually wrote the post a few months ago and have learned a few things since then, but still thoughts come. Thank you so much for saying that "...don't sit...dwelling on what I personally think" That part I don't have down yet. I love thoughts and have them running around in my head. I think that is how that is how it is supposed to be and you should analyze each thought and its origin. I learned earlier in life that it is not that important what others think of you. Now I am finally learning that it is not that important what I think of myself. Thoughts come and go but spirits live on.
Thank you lpyrbby. I really think you should write a book. But maybe its not important that I think that, oh i don't know; I'll get the hang of it eventually; )
"After all if the people that claim to love me only tell me what's wrong with me and insist that I change my way of thinking and being, maybe liking myself the way I am is just denial."
I would have to say, this would depend on what it is they are saying is wrong with you. Is it that you treat others bad, then maybe it is denial, if they are saying it is wrong to go after your dreams because you are "too stupid" then they are wrong, if one isn't the brightest but work harder than the others, then they are smart enough.
Glad you stopped by my blog, I am enjoying yours very much.
LOL@ Writing a book! Thanks for the compliment though :)
It isn't wrong to think. Trust me, I must be the "master thinker" with as often as my mind races. But, I think a lot of things are the way they are with me personally is because I find things to do to occupy my mind. I've always been the type to try to fill my "free time" with a lot of things, even if its just sitting on the computer researching and planning.
Sometimes it takes a while for my personal life to catch up with me. Then, I write about it, get all my thoughts out and generally move forward from there.
Have you ever heard of free writing? Check it out and try it some time. It's pretty liberating and can be fascinating to look back at :)
"It takes you a long time to learn for your mistakes or repent of your sins"
Favorite quote of the day
As always, great post with a lot of things to think about: self confidence and esteem, God etc...
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